India vs Pakistan: Pre Match Rants

Mentioned are a few  ‘Golden statements’ from the Pakistani cricket fans which are memorable for  not because they don’t make sense but they really sound hilarious. Here are the 15 out of the ordinary statements I’ve heard from different “self proclaimed cricketing gurus” around me lately, all of whom depict an interesting version of what’s going to happen in Pakistan vs India Semi Final which is to be played in Mohali on March 30th.

Although I find no common sense in their analysis yet  there is a lot of interesting stuff to talk about and to have a good laugh for some time.

Few of them are as follows;

1-Pakistan was given a place in the semi-final as a reward for releasing Raymond Davis.

2- Shoaib Akhtar deserves to play in Semi Final but since Kamran Akmal is not capable to catch his fastest deliveries Shoaib will remain out of the squad.

3- Indians will try their level best to lose against Australia in quarter finals because if India wins against Australia and lose in Semi Finals against Pakistan they will be beaten to death by furious Indian crowd.

4- There is no point in reaching Mohali  a week before, Pakistani players will be sold out.

5- Indians are good at black magic; just see how their Pundits put amulet under Mohali pitch.

6- The Mohali pitch has been developed to assist the Indian players.

7- Pakistanis will lose the match because they know Indian crowd will beat the hell out of our players if they win the game.

8- See how Indian spectators will ruin the match when they will feel Pakistan winning.

9- There is a reason why Pakistan will not lose the semi final, 18 crore Pakistani Muslims, Bengalis and lots of Indian Muslims will be praying for them.

10- RAW conspiring to use Indian bookies to bring down Pakistani team.

11- Bal Thakrey won’t cause any threat to team Pakistan. He is afraid of Dawood Ibrahim.

12– This time Pakistan will win the match because we don’t have “Sattay Baaz” in the squad.

13- Shoaib Akhtar will rip Kamran Akmal apart on the field if he drops any more catches when he is bowling.

14- How could Pakistan win when we have no implementation of Islam in this country.

15 – Bal Thakeray is actually an ISI double-agent. His job is to malign India’s reputation by threatening the Pakistan cricket team.

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41 comments

    1. Stupid Sachin…Afridi and co will rip the balls of every Indian player except zaheer khan and yousuf pathan. They play for pakistan Inshallah !!! Irfan pathan has been victimized by Indian cricket board. Wasim Jaffer is also a good player overlooked by Indian cricket board.

    1. As you say, even if they have all that in Hinduism, they are better human that you terrorists. You guys don’t deserve to speak all this.

      You guys always have a Fake, Dummy, Void confidence to play against India. FOR SURE, YOU GUYS WILL BE CRUSHED IN SEMI-FINALS.

      1. John, just don’t take it seriously. I have already made up my mind that Pakistan will lose but if they win then definitely whatever I have written about India above would be proven right, until then take it in lighter vein.

      1. I tend to agree with you but even then this country is full of Namoonaas, even today my office boy was telling that match has been fixed and to initiate composite dialogues with india, pakistani pm would ask team Pakistan to lose this match.

      2. Hehe…they are taking it more like a war than merely a game. And this busts all myths about the existence of love and tolerance for each other at both sides of the border. Anyways, enjoyed reading the articles. My favorite is the last one on the list, according to which Bal Thackray is an ISI agent :p what a funny thing!

      3. Yeah Aman ka chakkar, dostiaan shostiaan gayeen bhaar main when it comes to match.

        My strategy would be. If India defeats Pak then only we will talk of friendship, the war is ON otherwise!

      4. Green is made by crushing yellow and blue… We’ve crushed the Yellow now its time to crush the BLUES!!!

        Insha Allah we will and celebrate because this is the bigger match than final. Just look at the hype on media ………….Whoaaa!

      5. I know! It’s freaking me out :p…but I must say Pakistani media is still being neutral and sensible, whereas the Indian media is trying its best to make it look like the Third World War, and they are being very biased. Anyways, inshAllah we will teach them a lesson today :)…

      6. Oh, will post again, blogspot is complicated when it comes to post comments. Please wait for a while.

    1. Thanks Saira, welcome to my blog — and you know what these all are real claims made by people who I know. Nothing is doctored to create humor…

    1. Hi Sujay, thanks for your words. Naturally I support my team but indeed the team playing with method should win and India has got slightly higher chances of victory.

      This is perhaps the only match in which I am reluctant to predict because of its uncertain nature but I am sure the kind of entertainment we ll be getting would be awesome.

  1. Oye Tanzeeel!!! All I can say is 🙂 🙂 🙂

    I feel for your nation and Afridi though – guys tried their best – he was really commendable in spirit.

    Inshallah – we’ll play a lot more games – and have peace and prosperity in our regions – we’ve so much in common.

    – Sanket

    1. No team deserves to win the way Pakistan fielded. What else could be expected from such an unprofessional and mysterious team. Congrats team India!

      1. Sanket

        I couldn’t watch the complete final because I was also busy in attending “the most happiest day of life” =) but whatever I saw was indeed something to be envy from the glory of India, team India has proved the dream of shining India.

        Manhy congratulations to you guys : )

  2. My cousins in Leicester told me they all watched the semi final match in some community hall, with spectators from both sides (Pak and India). And at the end of the match, the Indian side were celebrating with dance and music, and many Pak supporters, danced with, and cheered, the winning side.

    Nice.

    1. I think on neutral both teams cheer each other but when it comes to home or rival country they start abusing their own teams once the result comes out against their expectations.

  3. Post match Analysis of the Pre match rants (And, no, i’m not jobless)
    =========================================================

    These statements could still be credible, untill proven otherwise:
    ===========================================================
    1-Pakistan was given a place in the semi-final as a reward for releasing Raymond Davis.

    2- Shoaib Akhtar deserves to play in Semi Final but since Kamran Akmal is not capable to catch his fastest deliveries Shoaib will remain out of the squad.

    4- There is no point in reaching Mohali a week before, Pakistani players will be sold out.

    5- Indians are good at black magic; just see how their Pundits put amulet under Mohali pitch.

    6- The Mohali pitch has been developed to assist the Indian players.

    7- Pakistanis will lose the match because they know Indian crowd will beat the hell out of our players if they win the game.

    10- RAW conspiring to use Indian bookies to bring down Pakistani team.

    14- How could Pakistan win when we have no implementation of Islam in this country.

    15 – Bal Thakeray is actually an ISI double-agent. His job is to malign India’s reputation by threatening the Pakistan cricket team.

    11- Bal Thakrey won’t cause any threat to team Pakistan. He is afraid of Dawood Ibrahim.

    These statements hold no water anymore:
    ============================================

    3- Indians will try their level best to lose against Australia in quarter finals because if India wins against Australia and lose in Semi Finals against Pakistan they will be beaten to death by furious Indian crowd.

    -> They did not try to lose to Australia at all, infact they won with 5 full wickets in hand

    8- See how Indian spectators will ruin the match when they will feel Pakistan winning.

    -> Firstly, there were many occasions where Pakistanis had a better position during the match
    and Secondly, at the end of the day, the entire match was played.

    9- There is a reason why Pakistan will not lose the semi final, 18 crore Pakistani Muslims, Bengalis and lots of Indian Muslims will be praying for them.

    -> EITHER
    the Bengali and Indian muslims were praying for the Indian side,
    OR,
    maybe Allah didn’t help Indians, so Indians got help from Jesus(the God of Christians), Buddha, Guru Nanak (Spiritual Leader of Sikhs),
    Ahura Mazda (Parsi God), Tirthankaras (Jain Gods), Hindu Gods, and the million other non -Islamic Gods. And they will all tell you only “their God or Gods” are truly capable of helping.But one thing is for sure, India seemed to have gotten some help (** wink **)

    12- This time Pakistan will win the match because we don’t have “Sattay Baaz” in the squad.

    -> Pakistan didn’t win.

    13- Shoaib Akhtar will rip Kamran Akmal apart on the field if he drops any more catches when he is bowling.
    -> Shoaib Akhtar didn’t bowl.

    1. Sujay

      Prime Minister Gillani’s visit to Mohali ‘influenced’ match result. :S

      Match was fixed on “official ” level

  4. Got routed from the express tribune blog to yours. Great writings T. Impressed with a little amount of Sanity left in Pakistan unless you want to be termed as a “Liberal” or a “Burger” by your brethen. Sorry I digressed; read it on facebook sometime back on Mr. Zaid Hamid’s page, went something like this and maybe you could call it rant number 101 – Its good that Pakistan lost, else the ‘Iiinddian’ Army would have raped Muslim girls in Kashmir!
    Unbelievable, but this guy has my empathies for being loony!

  5. Thanks and well said. Things are indeed not very good in this part of the world, neither we have courage to go on streets and fight them especially after the episode of assassination of former Governor Punjab Salman Taseer, what maximum we could do is to have our say on internet and let the world know what we are actually upto.

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