Be it Veena Malik, Shoaib Malik, or Rehman Malik, there is one thing I have realized; it’s not easy being a Malik in Pakistan.
The Maliks of Pakistan are forever surrounded by controversies. Despite stiff competition amongst politicians and artists who struggled to top the “hall of shame, 2011,” guess who has managed to secure the first position once again? Our very own, very dear, very entertaining, Dr Abdul Rehman Malik. To acknowledge his outstanding performance, he has even been awarded a PhD degree by the Syndicate of Karachi University in recognition of his “matchless services to the country.”
Some of his golden words uttered during the year 2011, that range from outlandish to hilarious, are listed as follows:
1) Statement: “If someone insulted Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), I, too, would shoot him”.
Event: On the assassination of Salmaan Taseer. The government responds in a way the authorities are supposed to: by promising the laws would stand, but Rehman Malik comes up with this bizarre statement instead.
Look my dear friend, who knows one fine day some Qadri pops out of my convoy and kill me for XYZ reason under the garb of blasphemy law, would any media man come to rescue me?
2) Statement: “I am thankful to the Taliban who did not carry out any attack on Shia Muslims and showed respect to their rituals.”
Event: During the event of Ashura, Rehman Malik passed another shocking statement to the media. He actually thanked the Taliban for not attacking Shia processions! And no, he did not stop there. Rehman went on to say that he had appealed to the Taliban, asking them to spare the processions of Shia Muslims, and that he was grateful that they responded positively to his appeal.
My friend, we must not pass sweeping statements on Taleban, like us they are human too. Shouldn’t we thank them for sparing us for at least one day, isn’t it a good deed?
3) Statement: ”The Tablighi missionary centre in Raiwaind is the breeding ground for extremism and terrorism in Pakistan as the centre has a major role in brainwashing the extremists.”
Event: Rehman Malik made this statement to the audience at the security think-tank International Institute of Strategic Studies (IISS) while speaking on the topic of ”Countering Extremism in South Asia’.
You need to watch movie “Khuda Kay Liye” and listen to Naseeruddin Shah closely, he says “Islam main Darhi hai, Darhi main Islam nahin”, now try to figure out what I mean.
4) Statement: ”If Google and Youtube do not help the Pakistan government, then Pakistan reserves the right to block these services to prevent terrorists from using it”.
Event: The Interior Minister when talking to the media at the FIA headquarters, urged the internet service providers to extend their help to the government for exterminating the menace of terrorism from the country.
I have warned Government of Googlistan and Republic of Youtube to cooperate with Pakistan at their best and they have agreed to keep a strict eye on terrorists using their web space to disrupt Pakistani soil. We will not spare them.
5) Statement: ”I had given a warning yesterday that there should be no match-fixing. This time I am watching it very closely. If any such thing happens we will take action”.
Event: Before the World Cup semi-final against India, Pakistani cricketers were warned beforehand not to indulge in any match-fixing by the Interior Minister Rehman Malik who said he was keeping a “close watch” on their activities.
My every statement has a philosophy behind it; we kept a close eye to watch players and didn’t let them match fix. They win, lose or even play under pressure due to my policing is not my headache. I want results.
6) Statement: “PML-N had embraced Osama bin Laden and was responsible for bringing Osama bin Laden from Egypt to Pakistan for his treatment”.
Event: Speaking at the National Assembly, Malik denied opposition leader Chaudhry Nisar’s claim that the government was sleeping while the US operation was carried out. He lashed out at PML-N for bringing Bin Laden to Pakistan.
All of you talk about 100 suitcases Nawaz Shareef brought to Saudi Arabia but forgets what he brought from there; Osama Bin Laden was packed in one of those suitcases, I will tell you the whole story at the “right time”.
7) Statement: ”Extortionists should quit extorting and leave the city”.
Event: Talking to the media after addressing a ceremony held at the Karachi Chamber of Commerce, Interior Minister Rehman Malik warned the extortionists and target killers to quit and leave Karachi else stern action will be taken against them. I bet they were scared.
Stupid warnings always work in my case; good extortionists would listen to me and leave the city, while “bad apples” will be left with no option but to disappear as well.
8) Statement: ”When it is reported that 100 people were killed due to target killing, investigations reveal that only 30 were its victims while 70 others died at the hands of their wives or girlfriends.”
Event: During the press conference in Quetta, when target killings were on an all time high in Karachi, the Interior Minister said that the reported figure of deaths due to target killing were not accurate because half the men were killed by the women in their lives. Now that’s some imagination Mr Malik has there. Too many action-thriller films I would say.
Along with Interior ministry I am given a task to handle “internal affair ministry” as well.
9) Statement: “They were wearing black clothes like in Star Wars movies, (one) with (a) suicide vest. They had small beards and two of them were between 20-22 years old while the third who blew himself up was about 25.”
Event: This classic comment erupted from Malik’s mouth when he was talking to the media after the PNS Mehran attack. Our dear Interior Minister came up with another bizarre analogy and compared terrorists’ outfits to Star Wars characters. Told you he was into action flicks and stuff.
One of your private Tv channels portrays me as Chulbul Malik but I proved them I am a Starwars Freak.
10) Statement: “All ground intelligence shows that Ilyas Kashmiri is dead. What I can say is that there is a 98 % chance he is dead”.
Event: Interior Minister Rehman Malik told the media that although he had no physical proof, he was ’98 % sure’ that senior al Qaeda operative Ilyas Kashmiri was killed in a US drone strike in South Waziristan. Let’s add clairvoyance to his list of countless other outstanding traits, shall we?
You won’t ever see me boasting about percentages or issuing loose statements.Can’t do much about this, I am a Maths Man too.
There has been a lot of talk about the Taliban who publicly whipped a teenage girl in a medieval fashion on the charge of her being involved in “illicit” relations. .According to the video running on Youtube and on our local media these days, the girl wearing red dress was forced upside down on the floor and was seen harshly whipped on the hip by 3 bearded Taleban. Local people said that this 17 year married woman was punished for illicit relations and this incident had taken place six months ago in Kabal area.
This controversial video has lately made us realize how violently the so called Shariah in the name of Nizame Adl [Law of Justice] is exercised in the most beautiful part of Pakistan. The place which was once known as heaven for the world has now turned into a hell. Those illiterate jihadi-mullahs and the so called custodians of Islam have been penetrating into rest of the parts of Pakistan to force their version of Shariah which could be more devastating in future.
On the other hand a common Pakistani is simply stunned and still trying to figure out what kind of Islam it is and more importantly why nobody’s stopping them. The Talebani Islam which lacks tolerance and peace has been rapidly growing and maligning the religion on all levels it is also giving room- to- criticize to those people who already have issues with Islam.
Islam never allows to brutally whip or stone someone in the name of Shariah, there are prerequisites of Shariah which need to be followed before penalizing someone. I wonder why this inhumane Talebani way of Islam is not being exercised in the countries like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Sudan etc though I don’t agree with their laws yet in our part of the world they have touched the height of barbarianism.
Fortunately we the third generation of Pakistan are well aware of our shining past, the moderate nature of Pakistanis and rich culture but have we even thought what we are sowing for our future generations, what would they experience ? For the sake of saving future of Pakistan we the people of Pakistan must come forward and reject the theory of Taleban at least from our areas by keeping a strict check on what’s happening around, through Madarsah reforms and suspicious religious activities. We must not let Taleban state-of- mind grow and this can only be happened when we collectively discourage this sick mentality on all levels. Today they are in Swat tomorrow they will be in Karachi. We have already started receiving signals in our metropolis sometimes through graffiti and sometimes through strange phone calls.
Our law & enforcement agencies should take immediate notice to the atrocious activities in those areas and tackle them with force. Now things have gone beyond dialogue process.
Its high time to take up this matter seriously and stop the prevailing Nizam e Jadal [ Law of War] in those areas otherwise “friends of Pakistan” would come and resolve this issue by their DRONIC means which might end up on mass disaster.//