Be it Veena Malik, Shoaib Malik, or Rehman Malik, there is one thing I have realized; it’s not easy being a Malik in Pakistan.

The Maliks of Pakistan are forever surrounded by controversies. Despite stiff competition amongst politicians and artists who struggled to top the “hall of shame, 2011,” guess who has managed to secure the first position once again? Our very own, very dear, very entertaining, Dr Abdul Rehman Malik. To acknowledge his outstanding performance, he has even been awarded a PhD degree by the Syndicate of Karachi University in recognition of his “matchless services to the country.”

Some of his golden words uttered during the year 2011, that range from outlandish to hilarious, are listed as follows:

1) Statement: “If someone insulted Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), I, too, would shoot him”.

Event: On the assassination of Salmaan Taseer. The government responds in a way the authorities are supposed to: by promising the laws would stand, but Rehman  Malik comes up with this bizarre statement instead.

Look my dear friend, who knows one fine day some Qadri pops out of my convoy and kill me for XYZ reason under the garb of blasphemy law, would any media man come to rescue me?

2) Statement: “I am thankful to the Taliban who did not carry out any attack on Shia Muslims and showed respect to their rituals.”

Event: During the event of Ashura, Rehman Malik passed another shocking statement to the media. He actually thanked the Taliban for not attacking Shia processions! And no, he did not stop there. Rehman went on to say that he had appealed to the Taliban, asking them to spare the processions of Shia Muslims, and that he was grateful that they  responded positively to his appeal.

My friend, we must not pass sweeping statements on Taleban, like us they are human too. Shouldn’t we thank them for sparing us for at least one day, isn’t it a good deed?

3) Statement: ”The Tablighi missionary centre in Raiwaind is the breeding ground for extremism and terrorism in Pakistan as the centre has a major role in brainwashing the extremists.”

Event: Rehman Malik made this statement to the audience at the security think-tank International Institute of Strategic Studies (IISS) while speaking on the topic of ”Countering Extremism in South Asia’.

You need to watch movie “Khuda Kay Liye” and listen to Naseeruddin Shah closely, he says “Islam main Darhi hai, Darhi main Islam nahin”, now try to figure out what I mean.

4) Statement: ”If Google and Youtube do not help the Pakistan government, then Pakistan reserves the right to block these services to prevent terrorists from using it”.

Event: The Interior Minister when talking to the media at the FIA headquarters, urged the internet service providers to extend their help to the government for exterminating the menace of terrorism from the country.

I have warned Government of Googlistan and Republic of Youtube to cooperate with Pakistan at their best and they have agreed to keep a strict eye on terrorists using their web space to disrupt Pakistani soil. We will not spare them.

5) Statement: ”I had given a warning yesterday that there should be no match-fixing. This time I am watching it very closely. If any such thing happens we will take action”.

Event: Before the World Cup semi-final against India, Pakistani cricketers were warned beforehand not to indulge in any match-fixing by the Interior Minister Rehman Malik who said he was keeping a “close watch” on their activities.

My every statement has a philosophy behind it; we kept a close eye to watch players and didn’t let them match fix. They win, lose or even play under pressure due to my policing is not my headache. I want results.

6) Statement: “PML-N had embraced Osama bin Laden and was responsible for bringing Osama bin Laden from Egypt to Pakistan for his treatment”.

Event: Speaking at the National Assembly, Malik denied opposition leader Chaudhry Nisar’s claim that the government was sleeping while the US operation was carried out. He lashed out at PML-N for bringing Bin Laden to Pakistan.

All of you talk about 100 suitcases Nawaz Shareef brought to Saudi Arabia but forgets what he brought from there; Osama Bin Laden was packed in one of those suitcases, I will tell you the whole story at the “right time”.

7) Statement: ”Extortionists should quit extorting and leave the city”.

Event: Talking to the media after addressing a ceremony held at the Karachi Chamber of Commerce, Interior Minister Rehman Malik warned the extortionists and target killers to quit and leave Karachi else stern action will be taken against them. I bet they were scared.

Stupid warnings always work in my case; good extortionists would listen to me and leave the city, while “bad apples” will be left with no option but to disappear as well.

8) Statement: ”When it is reported that 100 people were killed due to target killing, investigations reveal that only 30 were its victims while 70 others died at the hands of their wives or girlfriends.”

Event: During the press conference in Quetta, when target killings were on an all time high in Karachi, the Interior Minister said that the reported figure of deaths due to target killing were not accurate because half the men were killed by the women in their lives. Now that’s some imagination Mr Malik has there. Too many action-thriller films I would say.

Along with Interior ministry I am given a task to handle “internal affair ministry” as well.

9) Statement: “They were wearing black clothes like in Star Wars movies, (one) with (a) suicide vest. They had small beards and two of them were between 20-22 years old while the third who blew himself up was about 25.”

Event: This classic comment erupted from Malik’s mouth when he was talking to the media after the PNS Mehran attack. Our dear Interior Minister came up with another bizarre analogy and compared terrorists’ outfits to Star Wars characters. Told you he was into action flicks and stuff.

One of your private Tv channels portrays me as Chulbul Malik but I proved them I am a Starwars Freak.

10) Statement: “All ground intelligence shows that Ilyas Kashmiri is dead. What I can say is that there is a 98 % chance he is dead”.

Event:  Interior Minister Rehman Malik told the media that although he had no physical proof, he was ’98 % sure’ that senior al Qaeda operative Ilyas Kashmiri was killed in a US drone strike in South Waziristan. Let’s add clairvoyance to his list of countless other outstanding traits, shall we?

You won’t ever see me boasting about percentages or issuing loose statements.Can’t do much about this, I am a Maths Man too.

Yet again 26^th December came, I expected just another birthday another set of stereotype greetings and the day would pass but contrary to my expectations  it turned out to be an unforgettable experience for me.

I never knew that the next Government which is due to take charge in July 2012  (I.A) would give its comprehensive plan regarding birthday celebrations and other upcoming events.

I was strictly ordered to start following the guidelines issued by the ‘establishment’.

The would-be Prime Minister planned to give me special protocol between 23^rd to 26^th December. This time I didn’t need to sneak chocolates of my brother nor had to stay without gifts since everything was ready for me.

Celebrations included an official visit to Port grand, a detailed conversation regarding the event  and  many gifts including a stylish chronograph to keep punctuality ensured, a beautiful and fresh bouquet of flowers and a birthday souvenir in quite fantastic packing were handed over to me.

I admit the 3 day protocol was one of the best moments of my birthday, before this, 26^th December was referred as Tsunami day but now things have changed. Post Tsunami regime has gone and I am full of life.

Thanks indeed for  making it such a wonderful day for me!

Indeed, nothing beats meat!

On 30^th November the Pakistan Tehreek-e- Insaaf women wing lodged a protest in front of Karachi Press Club against NATO attack on Pakistani troops. According to a press release published on the PTI website, the protest was attended by “more than two hundred party workers”. The press release further claim that PTI protesters were carrying Pakistan’s national, PTI flags and chanted “Go America Go” and “Go NATO Go” slogans.

Personally I believe it’s a good omen that all parties are on the same page when it came to lodge protest against NATO’s unwarranted attack on Pakistani soil.

Earlier MQM decided to hold a demonstration for expressing solidarity against attacks and decided to put up the national flag at the houses, buildings, and other public places in order to express complete solidarity for the sake of national security and honor. Likewise the Jamat e Islami, Sunni Tehreek, Pakistan Muslim N, Q and APML held separate demonstrations in different cities.

Since Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf is one of the emerging parties in the field of politics, I decided to browse the PTI website to check demonstration highlights to comprehend their exact stance on war against terrorism, America and the recent NATO attack in Mohammand Agency (Salala Check post).

Much to my surprise the party’s take in the official press release seemed to be contradictory to the exercise done in the name of protest against NATO’s airstrike on Pakistani soil. A couple of clearly visible slogans on the placards and banners against “American Nation” and the Pakistan People’s party were quite visible, one of the awkward sogan was:

Kal Roos Bikhartay Dekha tha, Ab Amreeka Tot’ta dekhengay
Hum Barqe Jihad Kay Sholon say, Amreeka Jalta dekhen gey

Above take by the PTI workers cannot be the party’s official stance since Kaptaan has always denied being Anti American on the media but this particular catchphrase as well as the rhetorical criticism on Government especially during the time when nation is united against the NATO’s strike on Pakistani troops brings PTI in right wingers camp who instead of dreaming to compete US economically often seen urging to destroy the super power by mere anthems.

A few people with only one Pakistani flags vowing to destroy America in no way depict the progressive manifesto of a political party. The PTI leadership needs to come up with its clear stance on foreign policy and especially with the future relationship with America.

Contradictions in the PTI protest pictures and its official press release published on the website is very much linked with the hesitant Imran Khan who recently in an interview conveniently ignored the question when asked whether he’s Taliban Khan, Inqilab Khan, slave of US, Europe or a party of Jewish lobby.

The interview might have taken in the lighter vein but it’s high time for Imran Khan to at least educate those 50 odd people who gathered to show solidarity with the Pakistani forces in Karachi and ended up on “Go Amreeka Go slogans”.

Published at http://blogs.thenews.com.pk/blogs/2011/12/18/1217/

Following the same fashion Sharad Pawar, the president of the India’s Nationalist Congress Party serves as India’s Minister of Agriculture and the President of International Cricket Council was slapped by a youth named Harvinder Singh after attending a literary function. Pawar is said to be one of the most corrupt politicians in India but all leading political parties in India “apparently” condemned the slap.

On the other hand Harvinder Singh received an enormous amount of appreciation from the commoners. The commentators on Youtube, Facebook, Twitter and various forums made clear in a quite candid manner, that the resonance of “Pawar-full” slap was the need of time which needs to be exercised on corrupt politicians after frequent intervals.

People from all walks of life endorse the slap and call It a desire of masses for swift accountability against all those politicians who while in power – poison the nation by their massive corruption and kick backs.

Earlier incidents of shoe throwing were taken place in Australia, India, Ireland, Israel, Hong Kong, the United Kingdom, Arab World and Pakistan.

Whether the shoe throwing or slaps make difference to political figures or not but they definitely provide a sigh of relief to the attackers as well the “Janta” infected by the corruption and bad governance of politicians.

As far as Pakistani politicians are concerned they seem to be indifferent on Slapgate scandal due to the fact that they are enough experienced of countering shoe missile either during lectures or confronting verbal insults on electronic media — perhaps this is the reason they consider it a routine practice and tolerate such behavior from critiques “in the name of democracy”.

The shoe story seems to have no end; George W. Bush, Asif Ali Zardari, Parvez Musharaff was also targeted with shoe. Indian Home Minister P Chidambram and Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao, too have been the part of this humiliating shoe shower when they made public appearances.

Slap, a more powerful and precise weapon than the shoe

Sometimes when shoe doesn’t hit Pakistanis leaders, their party followers call it a disgrace of shoe that could not avail an opportunity to touch the honorable dignitary — whatever the excuse  is, now the slapgate scandal has shown protestors a new way to lodge remonstration against corrupt politicians.

The beauty of slap could be recognized in a way that it precisely hits the target unlike shoe missile that has more symbolic value than the physical. Though the smashing slap on Pawar’s face may seem to be an indecent act towards an elderly person, it is more of a psychological blow to the entire political fraternity, who have played with the emotions and tolerance of the public and carried on with their gobbledygook for several years.

During his 52-month-long tenure (1,560 days), 2,159 mega projects, each worth Rs 30 million to multiple billions, were completed. Besides, 337 big machines and logistics meant for various amenity works were also purchased.
For the very first time not only the master plan of the city was prepared and given a legal status in the history, but the CDGK also completed 35 flyovers and underpasses; 356 parks; 194 water and sanitation projects; 316 major and supplementary roads and 451 educational projects. As many as 110 projects were completed in rural areas. In the transport infrastructure, 255 bus stops and 116 pedestrian bridges and a big car parking plaza were completed.
On the other hand the tried, tested and failed commissionerate system which openly negates democracy to promote toadies, would reintroduce the monopoly of privileged class over the politics of the country. Interestingly this system is in no way functional in any of the country of the world.

The people of Pakistan, especially in Karachi, have already witnessed what wonders local bodies system brought for them. It was the way for efficiently resolving the problems of the people at the lowest level, the system that had empowered the people who could easily access their representatives whenever they wanted. The commissionerate system in contrast would build up the bureaucratic infrastructure and further ruin the lives of commoners.
The ruling party had comparatively an easier way to provide relief to the people of Sindh by continuing the successful local bodies system. People might have ignored the shortcomings of government if they were educated about the system that ensures betterment of their lifestyle.

It is a time when the nation is being dragged back to the Stone Age. The media should bring the advocates of the commissionerate system to debates and ask them why the system engineered by the British does not even exist in the UK anymore. Anchorpersons should ignite a debate to educate masses about the benefits of the local bodies system and how it delivered.

Indeed the local bodies system was introduced by a dictator, but the people of Pakistan extracted maximum benefit out of it and this is what “true democracy” is all about.

The Op-ed of  “Pakistan Today“

Habib Jalib must be turning in his grave at the recent brouhaha of Shahbaz Sharif’s rhetoric and his poetic embarrassment in an uncalled for rally against President Zardari.

This same address conveniently ignored corruption charges, bad governance and lawlessness in the very Punjab government headed by the Khadim-e-Aala in disguise.

It is no secret that the current People’s Party regime has not lived up to expectations. However, claiming to hang the President of a democratically elected government in the presence of free judiciary just goes to show the restlessness of the PML-N for their promised turn following after the current regime.

What the Chief Minister of Punjab uttered in the rally against President Zardari is hypocritical to say in the least as the same corruption and bad governance model can be witnessed in Punjab too, where dengue is still at large. Moreover, lady health workers protesting against non-payment of their salaries, mismanagement in railway employees pension, and the violent agitation by the students in the online result fiasco are some of the clear cut indicators of what the Sharifs are up to.

On the other hand, Pakistan Tehreek e Insaaf’s rally showcased around approximately 100,000 people, including youngsters who were hoping for a changing Pakistan.  The growing rift between the PTI and PML-N in Punjab is setting new trends of political boasting in the province.

The power hungry politicians, instead of conducting a decent round table conference to provide a solution to the people of Pakistan are impatiently looking for the power base of Islamabad.

So far President Zardari’s politics are considered to be smart. His strategy of reconciliation with the MQM, ANP and PML-Q has successfully helped him secure the President house and quite likely another tenure as well.

The sudden jump of the MQM into the PML-N vs PTI tournament has given a new attraction to TV channels and political enthusiasts of this unfortunate nation. Last weekend, the nation was all set to witness the beginning of a series of rallies and protests on non-issues that actually proved the seriousness of our leaders towards the prosperity of Pakistan.

However the consequences of the political circus in Pakistan and the fight for proving ‘our political show has a larger crowd than yours’ caused systematic frustration in the sensible lot of Pakistanis. In such circumstances a Pakistani with even with a bit of eminence has lost the charm he/she once had in the Pakistani nation. It goes thus, that they would feel no urgency in voting for any politician with the hope of change, since they all seem to be equally petty and childish. Surely we can all agree that current politics is no basis for real enthusiasm.

Unless the people of Pakistan stand up by themselves under the non-political entities and march for their rights towards a just cause, we won’t witness any change at all, since the most shrewd man of this country has  brought our politicians at each other’s throats while he’s munching pop corn in the safety of the President house.

With the release of Israeli Soldier Gilad Shalit, the longest media campaign in recent Israeli history has finally come to an end.

Apparently it’s quite an odd deal, the prisoner swap between Hamas and the Israeli government that returns Gilad Shalit to his family and more than 1,000 Palestinian prisoners to theirs. Something that put world at large in a state of surprise when they witnessed release of Gilad Shalit, an Israel Defense Forces (IDF) soldier, On 25 June 2006, abducted by Hamas militants in a cross-border raid via underground tunnels near the border with Gaza and held for over five years, until he was released on 18 October 2011 in exchange for over 1,000 Palestinian convicted prisoners (by Israeli courts) of multiple murders and carrying out terror attacks against Israeli civilians.

It must be a difficult day for Israeli Government to release thousands of Palestinian captives against a single  soldier – on the one hand people of Israel and Gilad’s family celebrating his return, setting up ceremonies for the guy who spent over 1900 days in the captivity with no communication to his family, not the one shred of evidence to his well being was provided to them but the same time it was a great deal of concerned for Israeli authorities to release more than 500 prisoners in one day (as part of the deal– 550 yet to be released in two months times) yet the main issue comes up that is Israeli life more important than Palestinian’s. What made Israel negotiate with the Hamas as Israel do not negotiate with the organization who it perceives as terrorist but in Gillad’s case the Israeli Government was found in a very unique position. It not only negotiated with organization like Hammas but had to release a huge number of Palestinian prisoners which has again put the Israel’s security at risk.

The deal is widely viewed by the emotionally charged Islamic world as a victory for Hamas and Muslims in general but the price Israeli Government has paid in the release of Gillad Shalit is in no way overpaid. Shalit who was in the captivity of Hamas for last 5 years became the son of not only Shalits family but also the entire nation.

Since the inception of Israel it always was and still is the nation in uniform.

The entire Israeli nation is recruited to the effort of self defense and to protect one another and in this particular context the Israeli Government chalked out a smart strategy to incite more faith and loyalty of Israelis towards their nation, it is extremely important for Israeli establishment to convey to every Israeli citizen, every mother, every father of a teenager who soon becomes a soldier that Israeli Government do its utmost and everything within its parameters to ensure that there is always a chance to bring its soldiers back home safe and will do to make that happen every time – something that will restore confidence of Israeli Defense Forces (IDF). This is an overarching message about the entire endeavor that Israeli Prime minister has successfully managed to instill in the hearts and minds of Israelis to materialize nation’s long term agenda.